Gettin pulled over, can you watch my dog and pay the bils for a while?
Desperate + desperate does not equal a fun night.
Note to all middle aged "I totally let myself go after childbirth" frumpy mothers: I do not dress this way for your husbands. Stop looking at me like that. It's not my fault.
yes, the chronicles of narnia is exactly what happens when you do crack inside of a wardrobe.
It can't be good... The last recollection I have is singing lullabys to his penis
My halloween constume SCREAMS "Hey i just got done with a shitty relationship and I'm DTF"
When you guys came back from the bar, I thought everyone was a T-Rex - Thats why i was hiding under the table. Never doing shrooms with Drunk people again
If youre wondering about the smell, i set your hamster on fire. But don't worry he's ok
The problem with that is that my car has been stolen
We used a snorkel as a funnel. Can you say desperate?
just tried to scoop ice cream with a steak knife. now in the emergency room with a the cab diver and the drag queen he picked up on the way. its gonna be a loooong day.
She's chasing her own tail and is afraid of her own feet. My stoner cat, ladies and gentlemen.
YOU CANT FOOL THE TOILET
This is the best thing we've done since that time we started a religion
Just in case you blacked out, we had sex, you came in me, we need plan B, we fell off your top bunk, broke your roommates chair, i still like you, but i'm in pain and am going to bed
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