There was jim beam in your oven. I just preheated it.
He asked for his proof of insurance and he pulled out a Magnum by mistake. All of the sudden gignger was looking real good to me.
So I've only had a mustache for about 5 minutes and I'm already pretty sure it's the best decision I've ever made.
Whatever. It was high school. Back then I'd blow anyone who had enough room between their chest and their steering wheel for my head to fit.
He came out in cowboy boots and underpants holding a beer while he hugged my mom. I love Montana.
She is still a psychotic unstable bitch, and is therefore PERFECT drinking game fodder
Are we talking about who knows if I'll get naked pictures of you with a broadsword or who knows if I'll be surprised?
Look at all the pictures I have of us sucking on jello syringes.
He sent me a pic stitch collage of all the tit pics I had sexted him this month. It was so sweet!
I thought I was bad, the girl next to me on the bench was feeding a bush a hamburger and introduced me. Only at lollapalooza.
Do u have any idea how hard it is to masturbate in a CVS bathroom when your name is being called over the speakers to pick up a prescription for painkillers?
I think I had Hypothermia but was too drunk to notice.
fucking him is like fucking old faithful. you could set your watch by his orgasms.
I did not get pleasing results from googling “Bob Ross goat”
Found your brother. He was passed out in the tub holding a bottle of Shatto milk wearing nothing but his tighty-whities.
Randomize
