We just made watching Intervention into a drinking game. We drink everytime someone does drungs.
all i remember is you climbed in a garbage can and said you were trashed
I find it ironic that im starting my birth control on mothers day.
You graduated two years ago... You can't keep using spring break as an excuse.
I'm currently bartering with this guy so I can fuck his bi girlfriend. We're at 5 pizzas and he gets to watch us make-out.
Fact: Chilis at the airport in JAX will serve you shots of jack at 6:45 with breakfast. Ya I missed my flight.
So when does your new flight leave?
At my shot/hour ratio.... I leave in 16 shots. I love flying
Found a fruit roll up in my pocket this morning. This means my daughter has a peach blunt wrap in her lunchbox.
Apparently from about 3-5AM I was consoling that crying stripper about her life choices.
I got Pilsbury cinnamon rolls for us to have tomorrow, but I don't have the willpower to leave them in my fridge overnight, so I am eating them all and getting us more in the morning
I love you more by the minute
i made sure not to drool on your bed by putting my hoodie on backwards and swaddling my face in the hood
That super awesome moment when the guy who threw up in your bed last night crawls into your roommate's bed the next morning...Naked...She was in it.
They're frat boys at heart and have sickly, dusty, rotting souls.
How early is too early for a booty call on a Monday night?
As we were walking to her place she stole a pizza from the delivery guy's car and when we got home she grabbed a slice, two beers, removed her pants, and said "call of duty?" im going to marry her
are you still alive?
no.
i'll cry at your funeral. and leave a burrito by your tombstone
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