I wish I had my old roomstes number so I could send him pictures from lastnight... I had a blast banging his "true love" now that I think about it we're even don't worry about that gas bill you didn't pay. Ur girl worked it off!
your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
i think he just broke into a bike shop his last text said something about hiding in some tree
So I just saw Jonah Hill at LAX and decided my fat fetish is back
You should go to counseling for that
In times of desperation, never...NEVER put green apple scented hand sanitizer on your vagina.
I left my bra and a book at his place. He's a hot Scandinavian who is into physics and computers - had to step up my game.
I think i was just meant to be a stripper. A ballerina stripper cat
That's the last time I send a mass text invitation to smoke a blunt
For future reference. Do not congratulate the bar tender at oscars she is not pregnant she has just gotten fat u will get a shot thrown in your face
I did cocaine with my cab driver all night. It was the best date.
And two different second-graders said my make up was pretty. It's left over from last night bc I woke up 5 min before I was supposed to leave.
What made you think singing Silent Night while I was puking was a good idea?!?!
The coast is clear - also, would it bother you if I chose not to wear pants?
My vagina measures dicks. It's accurate to the half inch.
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