I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues
I just woke up wearing retainers... they are most definitely not mine
We should have parties more often. I ended up with 90 beers and someone cleaned my toilet.
He washed my hair whilst I gave him head in the shower. Bored or gay?
I just got a facebook invite to join a group called "bring back the old franzia spout." i never want our generation to grow up.
Homeless guy on the metro is drinking beer out of a coke bottle. Hello friend.
You sir are most definitely in. Better get your penis an umbrella as that bad boy is gonna get soakkkkkkeddddd.
I let him fuck me in a batman costume. Don't talk to me about needing to read fifty shades gray.
Also just throwing this out there I don't think anyone who brings another girl back to your bed to share with you can qualify as a frigid bitch
although steph and I had 3 bottles of wine by that point and watched an opera that featured a black dildo so anything was possible really
It's acceptable to bring him back to my parents house and fuck on the couch right??
I am pretty great at coffee and mistakes
Wine through a straw in a subway cup.....classy
So i've noticed that drunk me erases sent messages to hide them from sober me, because drunk me knows that sober me will be PISSED at drunk me.
she's 6'2. you bet your ass i slept with her.
Randomize
