I just told the 2nd grade class leprechauns are the children of midgets.
So I've come to the conclusion that I would cry if I had an ugly baby.
It was so good the neighbors even had a cigarette.
Apologies for hacking your facebook and posting that picture of you passed out hooked up to the IV...but we were sat with you on the ER floor for 3 hours, it got boring
The bartender just hugged us goodnight. I think we go there too often.
You got the whole drunk bus to sing, "In The Jungle" while conducting with your glowsticks.
I have cum and leaves all over me. Don't ask questions.
Bro, did you watch that scooby doo porn I sent to you?
He always takes me to get taco bell after we hook up in his car. It's sort of become a booty call tradition.
Bored at work. googling vodka waffles.
I woke up to a shattered My Little Pony garbage pail, a black eye I don't know how I got and no one will look me in the face. Fuck tequila.
You were petting your bowl of cocoa puffs and shushing it softly while staring at the mirror
But for real though. That weed tastes like the jolly laughter of Santa Claus.
I just sent a dick pic to a number on Craigslist, this may be my new low
Medicine hack, old crowe and ramen flavor packets isnt a cure for the cold.
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