The first sip always goes straight to my vagina.
WTF YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND?
Oh yeah that.
So he didn't pull out. And I like flipped out. And the he told me to chill and opened up a drawer full of packs of Plan B and handed me one.......
She was like the Rudy of blow jobs... SO much effort into it
she demanded that I make her breakfast too so im in the bathroom cooking bacon with her straightener
The only thing that was weird was that it WASN'T weird when she got out of the shower and saw me blowing him.
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
May or may not have just lost a contact hanging out Anthony's sunroof. Drunk. Hint: I can only see out of one eye right now.
Just saw a drunk bitch in the west village peeing on a car. You are not alone.
I woke up on top of his counter next to a pot of boiling water and an empty package of ramen... what happened to the ramen, we will never know.
I can't believe you didn't come out. There was a duckling ON THE BAR!
That's like doing a cinnamon challenge in my vag - but more painful.
Was he a virgin!? DID YOU TAKE A GUY'S VIRGINITY ON MY FLOOR!?
Im legit just salty with everyone who has a penis right now
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
Randomize
