home. puking in laundry basket.
I forgot to mention I threw up in my wine glass AND my neighbors empty cup.
well since you're still married, you will be paying for my abortion right?
Thank you blackberry messenger, for giving me a way to sext faster and more efficiently
Have you ever straight up just taken a bite out of a block of cheese? Because it's amazing.
That's because you're a slut. A slut fucking a fence.
Is it just me or did a policeman park your car last night?
Ummmm you know you're drinking vodka out of a Skittles bag, right?
I still have your make up all over the inside of my thighs from the face sitting. Free tonight?
Hey where the fuck is the rest of my beer? Lets start this day off right
I'm hungover laying in my moms bed watching Space Jam.. Adult Life..
So for St Paddys day I colored my junk green and got a little hat for him....wanna see it before I sober up....
The best part of Easter was watching all his colorblind cousins try to find the eggs.
I also know you puked in your shoe.
That would explain the note .... I apparently wrote myself an apology note from drunk to sober me .... saying "sorry for the fancy shoe soup" .... ugh I'll never drink again ...
Step one: We finally agreed on an au pair that we both wanna fuck.
Randomize
