oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
Why must guys tell girls who are a little bigger that "they like a girl with meat on her bones?" Yeah needless to say he went home alone
Asian chick on skype stripping for me. Hold on give few min
some kid came into the principals office and tried to explain what he was sent there for through interpretive dance.
sooo my mom just yelled up the stairs " you left your bowl down by the computer"....aaand for a second I forgot cereal bowls still existed
Ps if we're still living vicariously through each other, you had sex on a beach last night
Just tell your wife to stay in the car because you are self conscious about drinking infront of her. Now you have a DD AND we can still have a good time.
You know summer is almost over when ur school booty calls start hitting u up as if solidifying their spot in drunken mistakes for next semester
you 2 were alone in the living room and the dog walked in and you started yelling what are all these people doing in here
My saliva right now is around 7.6% alcohol/volume.
i seriously haven't spoken to him since i drunk dialed him and told him i loved his beard
Nothing worse then being at the gym on the elliptical next to a guy looking at porn on his phone
i really need to shower, but i don't want to take off my bra and lose my cleavage. the struggle
Did I tell you about my dream that I got handed a $100 and my vagina dissolved it? I think it wants me to not be a whore anymore.
Oh my God it's like my cock was dipped in lava
Randomize
