McDonalds has hash browns for only a quarter!....how many u want?
All of them
you told his mom that the only thing he wants for christmas is his dick in your mouth
im just gonna turn drinking alone on new years into a tradition
Their wedding is on my 21st birthday. I fail to see a way that this could end poorly.
Can you check your dirty laundry bag for my tooth.
Dude. The walls are totally staring at me right now. I told you this was a bad idea.
some girl just asked me if I was that guy that hooked up with nine girls in one night. officially a local celebrity. gonna try and autograph her boobs.
Noooo. We thought it would be funny for him to wake up buried in the sand. But we just remembered about the whole high tide thing and it's dark and it's pretty damn hard to find an unconscious head sticking out of the sand. Just help us out
I've decided I'm gonna attack people with the toilet plunger.
I wish you were awake and high the same times I was awake and high. And also in the same state. So we can fuck passionately.
"Don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor..." he chanted helplessly
Then you're three pancakes deep in regret.
we got stoned then he started showing me how to make his penis look like a hamburger...if that's not true love idk what love is
I think I just read the whole internet. Front to back.
Remind me to tell you: When threeways go awry, my MLK weekend story.
Randomize
