The crowing achievement of my life is still the time I made a 3 course meal out of things I found in the dumpster.
I just realized I'm gonna get paid at midnight on New Years Eve. That could be dangerous.
can you explain how you are here for one night and now my kitchen table is in 11 pieces..
You threw a hot dog at his face...I wouldn't call you either.
its like fishing. just send her some cock shots to keep her on the hook then use tequila to reel her in
He had a beer bottle in each of his back pockets and was on rollerblades. All I remember is following him for about 10 minutes
I have a new favorite bar game. It's called, get dressed up and go drinking alone then make up random stories of why you are alone to look less like an alc
Please brint me miilk. I am on the floor but my door is open. Thank you, i appreciate u verry much.
I got a text saying, "It's so great to throw tomatoes at seagulls."
Know what the best part of waking up for work after a drinking vacation is? It's an easy question. Nothing. Nothing is the best part of that.
He had to put the child locks on the windows so you would stop screaming at random boys
Random pof guy just messaged me initiating a Pokemon battle. Want to be a bridesmaid?
After all this I still can't spell gonorrhoea without autocorrect
FUCKIN BIRDS ARE CHIRPING AT 4 IN THE MORNING. THE SUN ISN'T RISING YET MOTHERFUCKERS, GO BACK TO YOUR NESTS.
So I sniffed too hard this morning before work and I THINK THE COCAINE JUST STARTED ROUND 2.
Randomize
