Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
I've spent the last ten minutes rubbing glue sticks on the wall
man, work is way more interesting with these acid flashbacks.
I want to apologize in advance in the event I put my boobs in your face
The a/c is broken so they cut a softball size whole in the freezer door. Goodbye deposit.
So help me Jesus we're never drinking together again. But weekends don't count. Amen.
Don't feel bad sweetie, you're not the only classy one in town. I'm still driving around with that tupperware of tequila in my cup holder from last week's Margarita Monday.
weekly advice from mom, "Drink vodka, it las hess calories"
Talking to her is like watching "Bad Life Choices: The Movie"
What part of don't open in front of your kids didn't you understand? Astroglide, magnums, fuzzy handcuffs and a blindfold are going to be hard to explain as friends presents.
What i love about my dog is i can lay in bed and masturbate with him at the foot, and he just leaves me alone.
You can wear anything you want
So... Naked it is then
Of course that's what I'm wearing. I need to find a beard to mount and ride STAT.
I was high as fuck laying down in the back seat while she gave him head. Most awkward chill moment of my life.
Dude what happened last night?
I don't know, I'm still trying to figure out how I got my clothes back on.
Randomize
