Is it a little weird that I have a ridiculous urge to have sex while the theme song to the Pirates of the Carrbibbean blares in the background?
you turned your livingroom into a bong?
They said "my eyes made me look intoxicated" ......we harassed them all night and we called the cops and told them that the bouncer that kicked us out was selling meth in the club ...and then we went to wendys
it was really awkward, he kept trying to get on the bed with us and we kept having to kick him back on the floor.
Ask him about the girl he took home Saturday night. I swear she voted for Kennedy.
She threw up in the hot tub how's your night
It can't be good... The last recollection I have is singing lullabys to his penis
he just used "boss" and "boner" in the same sentence. I cant respond.
Note to self: last nights makeup does NOT, under ANY circumstances, look good today.
She's comparing the feel of breasts to shredded cabbage. Weirdest. Grandmother. Ever.
Fastest way to get judgmental looks on a Sunday morning: wear sunglasses inside carrying a case of beer and thin mints at the grocery store. May or may not have ran into the glass door.
Gotta love Minnesota
I ran into cvs barefoot with my belt undone and shirt buttoned wrong and didn't even have to ask. The guy working pointed and said "they're back there."
That's how I look going for the pbr.
She said she didn't feel right fucking on her parents dining room table I grabbed the only thing around bubblewrap she blew me for creativity
Checking my Tinder matches as I sit here in the waiting room at Planned Parenthood. I can't be stopped.
I passed out drunk in her bed. Her boyfriend showed up and told me to go to the other room or we were gonna have a threesome. I threw up off the side of her bed and left. I feel like that was an adequate response.
Randomize
