it was all good till he told me to dance slow and quiet
The Redheads category on Pornhub is my number 2 site behind facebook on google chrome. I think I have a problem
I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
Angelique from Rock of Love is now doing phone sex commercials for central illinois....id say she's going places.
The only thing that would make my night better is if William Shatner came and read me a bedtime story.
I can't wait until weight watchers comes out with a beer
I've already come up with two plans that will probably end with me getting kicked out of here. You guys should come faster.
a girl just walked by me crying on the phone saying, "all I ever do is menstruate"
He snuck out of bed at 9 am and came back with pizza and a bottle of wine. I think I'm in love!
Nvm, he just almost drank his drink from last night, his drink that has the condom in it. Kinda answers my question.
Well, I made it all the way to the gas station. And from there, I begged a cab driver who was parked outside, to give me a piggy back ride the final 2 blocks to my apartment. I wasn't in the cab. Didn't have to pay. Drunk me is smart, and very lazy.
Dude... She just sent me a story of how she wants to fuck me on a boat and call me her captain.. Well ahoy mateys, lets set sail
You threw up in a empty pizza box at Pizza Hut and opened the door with your face. So that maybe why it's bruised.
I wish I was there so i could bitch slap his incredibly sexy face
I just got a text from a stranger offering to shave my asshole. I've been sober and out of town for a week, are you using my number as a dial-a-dumping again?
Randomize
