I was staring at you from my window across the quad. I wanted to let you know so it's not creepy
I don't know how to tell my mom that I'm not sober enough to drive to the dentist...
Tonight we are playing Scuba-Keg. Getting keg now. I'll explain when i get home.
I sang again at the bar lastnight I don't think alanis morrset knew when she wrote you outta know that the drunk version was going to be go fuck yourself Josh and Chelsea. I love $2 wells.
because drunk making out is frowned upon in museums i think
But the ghost of his schlong past haunts you
how did we start talking about space blow jobs?
you told that cab driver that when the 3 of us come togehter it means happiness and love
Shaving my legs with an ankle monitor on is surprisingly more difficult than the drunk driving that got me here
Must say, as a couple, she and I are thrilled that our pretend lesbianism has paid off.
doing squats while I brush my teeth.. gotta keep the booty in check
I have 80 very blurry photos of you on a stripper pole...
Sorry about my life...
So basically he is jobless, a potential serial killer, and has poor taste in music? We simply don't have time for that.
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
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