I am not hooking up with him just to see what his penis looks like.
drunk me is my new role model. he's fearless. like not even afraid of tornadoes.
Dude, the cops never think it's as funny as you do.
You've eaten a Lean Pocket for every meal for at LEAST 3 days now. Get your life in line.
Going to get a "plan B"urrito
Yeah but then he looked at me bleeding on the floor, said oh i guess you need to go to the hospital now, and left
Survival tip #3: while you're hooking up with him, don't say he reminds you of his brother
I was gonna tell her, but there were too many tongues in my mouth
I may not have eyeballs after all the drunk naked people having sex outside.
My mom got me high and then dropped me off at a church.
I've abandoned trying to find a logical explanation of your life.
THERE IS NOT ENOUGH CAPSLOCK IN THE HISTORY OF THE WORLD TO EXPRESS MY CURRENT STATE OF WHAT THE FUCK JUST HAPPENED
I took a sleeping pill while he was in the bathroom. Time for a game of how long can we bang before I fall asleep.
You are both horrible and amazing
Well I can't be held accountable to know every which time you slid a finger here or slid a finger there. I'm way too busy getting close to climaxing to document these things.
Just told my mom life fisted my asshole. She looked at me with complete understanding. I'm scared...
How do you say "put it in me" in Spanish... I'm dealing with language barriers here.
Randomize
