If I die tonight, wear a V neck to my funeral.
Only you could turn Mozart into a stripper song.
I need a booty call who doesn't know my boyfriend or my friends.
it was a 10 min screaming orgasm. i don't care that you were next door and didn't appreciate all the noise.
Definitely just put my car on cruise control so I could stick my head out of the sunroof while driving to taco bell.
I'm wearing red that night.
Noted, what shade?
Whore.
they're both probably 7 inches? or 8? I'm shoving a ruler in my mouth trying to figure it out
I just opened my filing cabinet at work for the first time in months. It looks just like my pantry: nothing but peanut butter and whiskey.
PA to anyone at the party last night and wondering where your pants are: they are in my backyard.
I am still awake. And let me sing you the song of my people. Ahem. "I have a bottle of hydrocodone and you all can fuck off."
Nipple rings and loofahs DO NOT mix.
I'm slacking. We've been hooking up for months and I have yet to bang him while he's wearing the clown mask.
He was semi blacked out in the hallway with a bucket, calling for me while I had sex with his best friend in the very next room. Why do you let me do these things?
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
My sister gave me satin sheets. We can fuck on satin sheets.
Randomize
