Con: they had to cauterize my wound twice. Pro: The docs agreed I'll be able to get really drunk tonight since I've lost so much blood.
sound pretty economical
is it wrong that i woudl like to tie u down to the baby changing station using the straps provided?
Yeah, we spent most of the evening making fun of the drunk girl until we realized it was you.
Real friends wouldn't let me shotgun a 4loko after already seeing me trying to eat a girl out through her jeans.
please don't text me until you can spell three letter words again.
I will now attempt to shave my public hair into a Christmas tree.
What are the signs of a concussion? Please don't freak out.
my greatest accomplishment from the city of diplomacy is that i puked at a table of 5 diplomats and my professor and NONE OF THEM NOTICED
I can't wait to go to grad school so I am not your high unemployed friend.
Malibu has added tequila to its rum. It's like when two beautiful gaybies come together an spawn a unicorn that only cries jellybean tears.
I think I accidentally agreed to be someone's surrogate
I need a life alert for his random dick pics. My heart can't handle that.
Last time I "ran into him" I ended up with the clap and had to explain why the ladder was missing from the garage.
Idk I think he's weird but he's also from Wisconsin so that might have something to do with it.
Why can't you just be normal and get dick pics from your exes like everyone else?
Randomize
