He asked to "fluff my boner.."
She knew it was going down when I had her search for "condoms" in my iPhone Maps.
As a driver I hate pedestrians, and as a pedestrian I hate drivers, but no matter what the mode of transportation, I always hate cyclists.
i didn't know falling asleep in the tbell line could get you a dui. Isn't everyone there stoned or drunk?
That girl from the bar sent me a text saying that she wants to wear my cock as a hat. A cock hat. Is that good or bad?
Dave when you find that upper decker at your house its from me but its for Jill not you
Texas State Troopers call you ma'am even when they arrest you for public nudity and after you've puked on their cruiser. Country boys raised right.
As a 47 yo who just boned a 22 yo, it was definitely a walk of pride. She is a major feather in my aging cap.
Did you know that if you chase vodka with cheap red wine it tastes exactly like college alcoholism?
After the first time we had sex he kept saying "I'm proud of you" over and over again
That was the first time I ever heard of a female getting road head while driving... thanks for the memory and making me happy ending..
I feel like I shouldn't be encouraging my friends to hook up with their teachers.....but if it's for academic reasons....then I definitely encourage it.
So, I actually said the words "but face tattoos are sexy"
How many of my Tinder dates can my Christian roommate accidentally meet in the hallway at 3am before she's horrified and moves out?
I'm thankful I didn't get drunk and shit my pants this year. 🦃
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