garbage
garbage dick
rubbish cock
you win
She was narrarating everything she did.. like while making toast.
i never thought it was possible to fit gay, redneck and asian into the same sentence before i met you.
and this wasn't even the first one i'd hooked up with
It's my coworker's last day party and I'm the one who ended up shitfaced on the train with half a bottle of belvedere in my bag.
she stopped traffic so I could crutch across the street. Clubbing while crippled and drunk is different.
Oh that's what I forgot last night.. To make out with her.
I really shouldn't be this use to hearing "YOURE THAT GIRL?!?!"
If you think for one second that I would forget Mardi Gras, you clearly don't know how much I love boobs.
Seriously. Texted me 4 times and that didn't wake me up so he nicely called and left a voicemail saying he WOULD call me 8 times. So when he called back I answered.
Naw. I'm tired and I'd have to shave my legs. I doubt the sex or the company would be worth it.
We had sex in the morning in pregnant lady position. Like fuck me like the hott piece of ass that I am, not your wife of 7 years.
The uberlube is also flammable
I'm counting my small victories this morning. For instance, I haven't puked at work yet.
now to finish some work and then i think i'll work out. or garden. or at the very least I'll continue eating frozen grapes and take more drugs
I told you I couldn't sleep because of the speed and you rolled over and replied "shh. just pretend."
Randomize
