he had more hair on his balls then in my Easter basket
im getting my college education on yahoo answers.
any plan I had today of being a productive member of society, I am officially throwing out the window.
Goose bottles do NOT make good bowling pins
All I got from that conversation with the officer was "blah blah blah, you're disgusting, blah blah blah, $500 fine, blah blah blah, be in court Tuesday."
Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?
Standing in a circle of girls fistpumping to the word "hospital" while taking shots.... I don't see this ending well, but its fucking fun.
To my ex and my favorite mistake: I totally enjoyed hearing you have erectile disfunction via baby monitor!
I'm pretty sure I got a cavity today due to how many times I've puked hungover at work.
I just had the best counseling appointment lets fucking rage
i peed in the parking lot at work not even thinking, a woman saw
If sending nudes to tinder boy is considered functional then yes.
So about that you can bill me for the chair but it was David's idea to jump from the window sill into the washer with "clothing pillows of cloudiness" to land on to get ahold of him you have to phone his mother
I just talked to her she really hates you like a lot
it's a shower with the lights off kind of day
I'm at the fucking ritz Carlton and I would leave here to cuddle with her. Not even fuck, just cuddle. What th hell is wrong with me?
I think it's called love, bro
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