Whatever. They have the same name, so it's not even cheating. It's brand loyalty.
i just went through and liked all 1,239 of her pictures instead of writing my english paper. don't tell her, i want her to be surprised
my dentist asked me why my tooth was chipped, i told him i couldn't remember. i think he understands.
She scratched my sunburn during sex. I didn't know whether to cry or cum
he paid for dinner at the eiffel tower. drinks at a bar on the champs elysees. gave me a motorcycle ride back to his house, got us heineken and then took me to park overlooking paris. where he ate me out on a park bench. still have doubts about the french?
Its hard to hear the music in here over his nasal whistle. And his breath smells like old milk. I think I need more vodka, and he better be buying. You owe me.
Well sundance is in town and Im going to use my one and only shot to bang Taylor swift... Does it count as a random if shes famous?
There's a girl in the bathroom crying about something having to do with cream cheese.
She frightens me and turns me on at the same time. She's a keeper
Restraining order pending?
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
I was watching porn and wanted to change the tab to another video to cum but I clicked the wrong tab and it was a gif of a dog but I was coming and couldn't do anything so did I jill off to a dog? I feel like I should be guilty
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
Watching a guy masturbate in real time is a lot less theatrical than porn had me to believe.
I told you that you should stop drinking and you responded "Thanks for telling me how to live, North Korea!"
i did these weird ass ab exercises once that left me queefing for weeks
Randomize
