blowing a .13 at 10 AM isn't nearly as cool as I thought it would be.
He picked me up for our 1st date and saw my roommate crying on the floor Fabreesing her vagina...
It doesn't matter if I tell the story beginning to end or end to beginning, the story still starts with a random girl blowing me in the bathroom.
the paramedic just looked at me like "you again?"
I woke up naked in my bathtub at 5:30 this morning. There's legit a spray tan body print of me in the fetal position in my tub.
He wrote me poetry. 12 hours after getting my number
So it finally happened last night... I re-met someone that i've already had sex with. Had no idea who he was. Fantastic
Well I let her practice her tattooing on me. This shaky dragon on my arm says Im getting laid.
Got a minor my first day of college from the bike police. I'm gonna like it here
THE VODKA TRAIN IS NOW PULLING INTO THE STATION
I beer bonged before it even hit 4 o' clock. Please get on my level homecoming style.
Apparently she almost had an affair at Outback Steakhouse, details to follow when I get home but the apple really doesn't fall far from the tree
He asked me while we were fishing why the passion was gone when we have sex. It's official...I am the dude in this relationship.
suburban family judging/laughing at us after Jenna just pulled two flasks out of her boot on the subway
Her tits are so fantastic they gave him a panic attack.
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