A moment of silence for all our pussy whips bro's who had to endure the NEW MOON premier!
Having sex with her is like doing taxes, Happens once a year and I usually end up paying.
I just blew my nose and little bits of weed came out.
You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
There was a community pot of Ramen, and if you were in the pool you were either fully clothes or ass naked.
Can't promise anything, there's vodka in my thermos
He just got dropped off drinking a flask, sitting on the handlebars of a chinese delivery man's bike
Tonight's gonna be epic. Did he bring my noodles?
Just be aware that next year I will probably try to seduce you to avoid going to the gym
I woke up this morning to a lot of blurry photos of a swan i must have chased down the riverbank and a handbag full of loose haribo.
It's like some sort of initiation to finger one of them... so I did it. And got high fived afterwards like a dozen times.
Those were right hand only?
Head-banging is a very stupid way to injur yourself. But this opinion is also coming from somebody who can't walk right because they cut their asshole shaving last night, so it probably has little to no merit.
You left a bit of molly on the table and my mom found it. She asked what it was, I said "not drugs"
She believed me because "leaving that much behind on the table would be a waste so obviously it's not drugs."
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
Well at least ssomeone is or the state is tafing over ir in twligiob
Southwest doesn't have zingzang bloody Mary mix. I'm gonna file a complaint with the FAA
Randomize
