time to smoke my breakfast
in the morning i found her name, number and address on one of the empty pizza boxes. also said "ps. if you find my shoes please mail to me."
ya i found him eventually. hes the only one who drinks guiness so I just had to follow the darkest green puke trail
I knew she could be a good mother by the way she craddled three 40oz's.
Your therapist is not going to think that you using your vagina as revenge is okay
just fought my dog for the chicken pie I dropped on the floor.
I just wanted to hook up with a white guy to prove that i could go back.
He just sent me a picture of me icing a cake with a butcher knife topless.
i havent blinked in 235 seconds. now 247. now 258. 263. 267. 271. i also have been gifted with theability to both type and count and not blink. 293 so magical
Just so you know, a 6'7" tall gay man, with a martini in one hand and a fairy wand in the other, is not a force to be reckoned with...don't ask.
I just got caught impersonating a t-Rex by my boss. Sadly he wasn't fazed by my behavior and acted like it was normal.
I feel like they've probably fucked. Like.. you don't just bring a bitch a Big Mac if you haven't fucked her.
See this is where I mess up.. I get distracted by the option of consistent sex and free beer
I'm gonna play eenie meenie at the bar tonight because it's women's day and I deserve the dick
We laughed, we cried, we fucked, we shirked our familial and work related responsibilities. They could make a movie about the last 40 hours of our lives.
Randomize
