I want to leave work and go home and eat Five Guys and masturbate
Just saved her as "new hostess that randy banged" ...I forgot her name
Are you pissed because you didn't get action, or the fact i got boned twice in public places tonight?
i dont care if it was her birthday. if she leaves me with a half rack of budweiser and her boyfriend obviously shits gonna go down.
Look if you're not going to be mine and take care of my needs, I'm going to fuck your sisters.
Please take a moment of silence for the fact that I still have all 10 fingers
Yes. Amanda is the only option and I want cake so I can sacrifice my vagina.
No shame December is a go.
I fell asleep while studying last night and woke up smelling like whiskey and sex... words can not describe how confused I am
I miss you, too. It's hard to sleep without anything licking my head.
Also... I'm unsure what to do with my face while someone is choking me during sex. Like I feel like its hard to look flattering.
Someone is giving away free yogurt on craigslist. Can I get a ride?
It's like fucking tetris in this bed
We're making a scrapbook of dick pics, you want in or what?
She is crazy bro, she'll kiss me after eating her ass but looses her fucking mind if I double dip a french fry in "our" ketchup!
If there's someone that knows accidental pantlessness, it's Mike.
Randomize
