my friend just told me "I dunno what u r doing but keep doing it cuz it makes u look fabulous"
LOL that's cool. Guess u r gonna have to keep doing me
I swear she didn't look like that last week.
They have to be talking about me. I never heard that statement until I was born.
He was such a tease, he pulled out his dick, let me touch it then put it away
being able to look good while almost puking is a skill that takes a lot of puking to develop.
There is a literally infinite number of spliffs going around this table.
Delicious
I feel like I'm at a sushi bar with a spliff belt.
I miss you more than I would miss junk food if I went on a diet. And you've seen me eat, you know how desperate I'd be.
Make me a sandwich
The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.
At least she'll always have a story about the time she showed up to the emergency room drunk and covered in chocolate syrup on her birthday.
Ya, so he said he had to change before he would go to Pizza Hut because he pissed himself. He ran into his house and came back wearing a cowboy hat.........and his piss covered jeans.
Well I'm sorry but he seemed so happy being drunk at noon.
I tried to put my heels in the coat check
I took a pregnancy test at Pancheros a bit ago.
The man who almost made us Eskimo sisters is getting married. Of course I'll be your date. We need to toast the end of his sex life!
When is the right time to ask your new roommate for her school schedule so she doesn't walk in on you fucking some rando in the kitchen in the middle of the afternoon?
I once left mine in my bra and I forgot and I didn't notice it was there until it vibrated.
Randomize
