you think thats bad? Today I had to pop a zit on my sack.
I can see my step sister's thong. Don't know if I should let myself be turned on or not
She was walking with the authority that 2 beers gave to a light weight.
I wonder if i passed any courses from last semester
We watched 'the mighty ducks' last night and took shots every time someone quacked. I woke up this morning wearing a nothing but a hockey jersey laying next to him on the floor. He was wearing a goalie mask. I really wish I knew what happened.
Just saw a crackhead get taken down by pd in the canal. Its offically spring
Where are you and who are these girls passed out on the floor?
and why are they spooning a flamingo?
they traded weed for a spot on our floor. be nice.
ders ninda duuude pooring goden shots ov glory. I see em an i dont but there hear.
are you attempting voice recognition while drunk again?
Just so you know, your wedding is in the same place I gave my first bj.
It's like my uterus needs a hug... and anti depressants
You know how I know last night was a good night? Because I remember high fiving a couple WHILE they were having sex.
You are in my phone as "Thigh Gap" and you apparently work for "DO NOT DRUNK TEXT, INC." That is why I called you six times last night. So unless you take a second job at "NO DRUNK DIALING LLC" expect more. PS I am sober so this is legit.
She tied me to her bed using her honor chords. Thank god for graduation!
He just showed up at my house with a giant box of Trojans and a 6-pack of Yoohoo "for a special treat afterwards". I'm in love.
You started singing Baby Shark, screamed you have no idea how it goes, then somehow turned the beat into Bohemian Rhapsody
Randomize
