dude i woke up in a pile of chocolate chips. this has to stop happening
She is a fish and this place is a barrel. I can play this game.
you poured 3 beers into an empty vase and then passed out, so i drank them for you. don't say i'm not a good friend.
I think i'm just gonna start shot-gunning everything that comes in can form.
I'm going to appeal my grade. Is it better to look studious or slutty?
I just remembered I opened the taxi door when I was at a red light last night and puked. And then when I was done I closed the door and told him he may proceed with caution.
Found my shoes and purse. They're all strapped together in my neighbor's tree. Need to borrow your ladder. Thanks in advance
Just saw a 300lb woman fall down. Shes screaming like a beached manatee. Her 120lb boyfriend is trying to push her up. It's like watching an infant try to bench
hi sober isdnt real. this is a mass rtoomate taext i thing. bye
AMAZING.
Can you send me a picture of you not naked, my mom wants to see what you look like
THIS TIME TOMORROW MY VAG IS GONNA BE BRAND SPANKING NEW.
When that bartender tried to tell us he sang like Sade, I knew it was time to go
Is there one of me peeing? If so do I look bangable in it
Have you ever been so high that you felt like corduroy? I'm at that level.
So some guy thought I took second place in a male stripper competition
Randomize
