Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
saw a man at the beach in a red speedo. when he rolled over he unintentionally displayed a HUGE skid mark.
pretty sure i had my hand down BOTH their pants at the same time at some point...
When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
i must've hopped out the car and eaten some leaves...even when your'e drunk that's not acceptable
we flagged you as soon as you tried to put the lime in the microwave to prove it was really a kiwi. again.
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
There was a sweat stain in the shape of a fast chick with low standard on your bathroom floor
Just wanted you to know two things, 1st I sent the second thing to a broad ive been talking too. 2nd that was not just a fart.
Yeah! I was just fired because there was an over hire and the new girl is hotter than me. Seeing as how the new girl is my baby sister I think punching my manager is excusable.
That super awesome moment when the guy who threw up in your bed last night crawls into your roommate's bed the next morning...Naked...She was in it.
The guy at the rodeo just told me "if ya don't say none, ya don't get none". What the hell does that mean?
Im pretty sure you just got hit on by a gay cowboy.....
It's important to establish I slept with her BEFORE we officially became cousins-in-law.
Damn you are the highwater mark of the naked women in my life. Like idk what lined up but yeah.
I just started talking about how noodles were so good
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