Send those Picts to my email please. From last night
Ps thx for the porn on my phone
;) ur welcome
Police were just in my backyard to recover a loaded .38. What the fuck?????
She took her shirt off and was broader than Dwight Howard.
Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence
for real. he might as well bring dogs if they're lower than a 7.
I'm sorry I kept calling last night when you wouldn't pick up. I'm REALLY sorry I sang "You Oughta Know" on more than 4 voice mails.
Exactly. Because my vagina can't be consoled with words. It requires a thicker form of communication
Santa was walking around downtown handing out stuff at the bars. He gave me a free eyebrow wax. I think he's trying to tell me something
Dude... You called me at 3am to tell me you still had your pants.
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
Don't send me nudes asking me to come fuck you on lunch break then send me a video of kids you're babysitting.
It's amazing what a couple of orgasms can do for a girls demeanor.
Text me later if you aren't dead and wanna have a drink later
I don't really want to explain what i mean by this so just answer yes or no. are 5 cows enough?
My life is a random series of events connected only by bottles of Seagram's 7
Randomize
