so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
'Watching yourself cry on Photobooth' is the new 'watching yourself cry in the mirror.'
at home by myself drinkin the left over champagne from my party... who says my birthday has to end?
I told him to show me what he was made of and he came on my face. law students are so technical.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just remind me when i get fired soon that august is the month i started pregaming work
if theres anything i pride myself on, its my ability to look homeless.
I think the camel was justified in biting me.
He waited until after foreplay to tell me that he didn't have a condom and "we" would just have to settle for a bj tonight...
This place smells like bottom shelf liquor and broken dreams
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I come bearing gifts of whiskey and vagina
He said I act like a cross between a kindergartener and a high 70 year old man. Which is inacurate because it fails to account for the disco obsession.
Like what did he say to his host family? The girl I causally sleep with on the weekends is coming over?! And they thought "well lets feed her dinner"
I wouldn't marry anyone who wouldn't symbolically fuck a doughnut with a sausage though.
I just left a 3 minute voicemail to the guy I want to fuck baby talking my cats and I don't know if I can delete it 😐
They call you PBJ boy because you were trying to seduce me with pieces of a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Successfully might I add.
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