Woke up at 4:30am to my little brother shaking me. Apparently I fell asleep naked on my kitchen table waiting for the toaster to pop. 2 years of college completed and i still havent learned my drinking limit...
I know i should have focused more on what you were saying in the text rather than the fact you spelt "suicidal" wrong
He introduced me to his parents as the girl he made out with on Thursday night...
I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
He came in, laid on our floor and started to make a snow angel.. On the floor. Then he just left never said a word. 20 mins later walked back in and dropped his pants, looked down and said "wow im happy i had boxers on."
I sent him a naked picture of me with the caption "I lost at beer pong, this was a dare. Hope your nights going as good as mine" I've never talked to him in my life, this is a strange way to start.
I spent the whole weekend building houses out of popsicle sticks for my bowls. How was your weekend?
Whoever owns the butter that i always steal out of the office fridge definitely put THC butter in there this time. Shit just got real.
I've known you for the past two years. You never kid about biology or alcohol.
Making drunken Mac n cheese at 3 am I understand why witches constantly stir their cauldrons. Much more homogenized temperature and slim chance of boiling over. Good job witches.
so I found out I could dislocate my shoulders on demand while I was trippin on e last night...
Gonna be late for work. Sex comes first. Priorities.
Did you have a good sleep?
if a good sleep includes waking up cuddling a bottle of wine I had a GREAT sleep
got laid for being an eagle scout again. 4 more and ill have all my merit badges.
He said he broke his back in 3 spots & my first thought was "there goes my booty call".
Did u have a 2nd thought
I need a new booty call.
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