I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
I'm currently using two paint brushes as chopsticks to eat lasagna.... college.
There's a Sam Adams brew house. How were we not supposed to go
I just discovered the Reese's pieces and sourdough bread sandwich. No signs of coming down.
You kept saying we got to find the end of the rainbow, which turned out to be a box of lucky charms and Guinness in the bag of cereal
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
We're ordering chinese food so if you want to get on this obesity train answer me now.
I'm at my friends house alone, she's at spin class so I'm wearing her engagement ring and eating buffalo wings. It's 9:30am. Happy Valentine's Day.
Just for once I'd like my first interaction with a new GP to not be an obvious sex injury.
No, I'm not a weirdo, I keep bondage straps under my matress like a normal person, not a diary.
I'm sorry I keep drunk texting your boyfriend sports updates.
That's okay. He needs friends too.
I got married tonight..
I'd like to first of all congratulate you on your marriage. Secondly, probably one of the best drunk texts I've ever received. Unless you were sober, then that text was awkward.
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
Haha word. Sure I can do that. Help me find which bar has my pants and you'll get free tacos all week
Randomize
