He's at the gym. He likes to get high and swim cause it makes him feel like a fish.
I'm also glad were at the point in our friendship where my vagina talking to you isn't weird
I dunno, but she kept buying me shots and asking me to go places with her. oh btw we're signed up to go bungee jumping Saturday
We're having chugging races with long island ice tea, I won. To often
so when our kids ask "when did you know you loved mommy?" you're gonna say "when she sent me emoticons about slobbing on my knob?"
Last thing I remember is ranting about hating pants. Woke up this morning pants less. Couldn't find them, decided to leave. Driving without pants is surprisingly liberating.
It's pizza for people who hate themselves. I rang the place up once i'd finished and told them if i was on death row it would be my last meal because by the time i'd got half way through it I would be begging to die.
But then I ordered two more because it was 2-4-1 and my life is a mess
I just ironed my gstring.. this is please fuck my brains out on a whole new level.
She's just a lonely cunt and i hope she stays that way for the rest of her fucking life.
This seems like an over reaction to someone eating your fries.
i just remember that i was on top of him and he wasnt contributing to the event much.. god i hope he wasnt asleap.
We turned his nipples into a drinking game.
YOU WAXED MY CAT YOU SICK FUCK
Gave a guy a blowjob in a convent. Place in hell is now secured...
So my furniture is upside-down, two lamps are glued to the ceiling, and there is a kitten sleeping on Kyle's face. Please tell me what happened last night....
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
Randomize
