my shit smells like andre
whoever says they hate hangovers just doesnt know how to embrace them. i'm eating a mashed potato sandwich and watching grind.
Dude, I swear her tits are going to give me a concusion.
She is two pictures of justin bieber away from being blocked from my news feed
My date keeps hitting on your friend. Had no expectations, but not a real confidence booster.
How many bratwuest were you able to fit in your mouth at one time? It's me, Hans.
Just walked out of my apartment and came face to face with a shirtless dude playing with his balls and trying to tie his shoes.
You were throwing up and said, "Whipe my face, I must look presentable at all times."
Or maybe my penis is just the key to their locked boxes of crazy, and I unleash their wrath upon all of mankind just so I can get my nut off
Just had sex to Jesse & the Rippers. Can check that one off the bucket list.
I would also like you to tell your human bio class that I successfully smoked out the flu. 103 degree when I woke up yesterday. 100degree after one bowl. 4 more bowls and 16 hours later all that's left is a cough
I want to create a human. Discussion later.
just learned i can hear my fish chewing his food WHILE HES IN HIS BOWL. im going to have to call you back.
I'm like a bad decision making factory. I need to sit down and have a chat with my decision making elves.
I think I broke my dick but 10/10 would definitely do it again.
Randomize
