video games are the ultimate cock blocker
Just assessed the damage in the bath. Two love bites. One bruise on the inner thigh. Strange awareness of what i'm assuming is my cervix. I've definitely missed you. x
i totally just wrapped her wedding gift in tin foil. These are the skills 2 bachelor's degrees have given me.
Totally just sport flirted the shit out of a girl on a wheelchair. I've done my good deed for the day.
Either I just got hit on by a 10 year old.girl dressed like a boy or I just got hit on by a midget lesbian. Either way I feel uncomfortable
My mom has finally acknowledged my soft spot for Russians. Finally.
One good thing out of all this is her ass is huge. Like Australia Big.
Yes. Amanda is the only option and I want cake so I can sacrifice my vagina.
No shame December is a go.
He's claiming he can open a beer bottle with anything. He's been trying for a while now with a power rangers action figure and he is just cutting the hell out of his hand. There is blood all over billy
Clearly it doesn't get better with age. Just more sexual
I just finished packing for spring break, took me 4 minutes. To be fair though I only put my trunks, a pair of underwear, and 50 condoms in my bag.
I walked home with him, but I had to pee...so I did...as we walked. He was so drunk he didn't even notice. Good thing I was in a dress.
I forgot to tell you, that tinder guy literally lives 15 floors beneath me. I have been creepily saying things to him like "I see youve got a hammer on the patio"
I just want to say that I've always loved you and you are my best friend ever
You gave that creepy guy my number, didn't you? You really need to learn how to just say no, not interested.
We can use the Mac n cheese as the potatoes in our breakfast burritos. Problem solved.
Randomize
