Bring booze and chicks. Separate, or one already in the other. Your call.
I'm doing a half mile walk of shame carrying a trash bag and still very drunk. Save me. I feel like a refugee.
ii just google-imaged 'sad turtle' and maggie gyllenhaal only came up once. what is the world coming to?
just dd'd my mom home while she begged me to let her drunk dial my ex, jammed out to party in the usa, and then passed the fuck out. thanks for the genes mom.
i just saw a man pushing two thirtys of beers in a stroller while his little kid ran to keep up. father of the year
Is it a bad thing I remember to take my birth control when I stumble across guys I've had sex with on facebook?
He managed to get his pants on, so the cop just sat there facing us with his lights shining in the car. I made shadow puppets.
You kind of have a nervous, desperate thing going on that isn't exactly catnip for bitches
he told me he was a Boston Bruins fan so I took his hat into the bathroom and peed in it...I've never been a prouder Ranger fan
To be fair, I'm probably one of the better candidates for the role of 'baby daddy' in this town
Let's go dancing. I wanna sprain an ankle. And a labia. My labia or yours. I'm not picky.
there is a spider sitting on top of my weed like he owns it or some shit
no but seriously tf do i do? i have that spider phobia but i think my lvoe of the weed overpowers it
I don't know. I wanna do you but I also want a cheeseburger.
Funny you say that, I just sold my stripper pole to my mom tonight...
i just want a beer and a blow job. is that so much to ask?
and i just want a ring so i can stop faking it. is that?
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