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Dude. He put me on a rewards point system for his dick. I have to do him favors now to build up to winning sex. This is shit.
Is a wave an appropriate goodbye when your one night stand wakes up and walks out towards the door while you are looking through the garbage for the evidence of a condom?
What do you think french fries on pizza would taste like?
i already know. Delicious. Use ranch.
I ripped the door frame off last night too. Just remembered.
Of course not. I'd be offended if you didn't bring my boobs into casual conversation.
Just considered playing a drinking game with powerade with my sister so she would get some fluids in her. I do so well with sick people.
Today I'm playing this game called how physically long can I Lay in this one spot before moving, do you have an estimated time of departure?
I opened the door and his girlfriend was standing there; we made silent, prolonged eye contact as I quietly put on my panties and left.
He told me that he'd ride his snowmobile from Cincinnati to Toledo in this blizzard just so I could give him head.
Honestly who turns down a free blowjob?
I forgot to tell you that he serenaded me with "Fuck Her Gently" by Tenacious D. And I didn't hate it.
You were having sex very loudly, so I felt it necessary to blast the Thong Song, bust out the trusty old airhorn and walk in on you. MY BAD.
I just slammed a bottle of white wine before I came to Whole Foods so basically I'm just training to be a middle aged white woman.
I went to my AA meeting last night. My drug dealer is now my counselor.
Randomize
