Can you imagine it being physically possible any other way unless the cows are unnaturally flexible
I cant feel my face. Like I dont even know if I have one. I wish I had a helmet
well this is gonna sound really bad but we were fooling around on sandra's electrical wheelchair
My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.
Sometimes I just want to serenade his penis with cheesy 80s songs.
Of course I have a pirate flag
you missed 2am bagpipes and my roommate looking hot as fuck in a kilt
You put on some guys Birkenstocks that were abandoned on the dance floor overtop of your flats. Then ran out of the bar high gives the bouncer and said "look at my new kicks" then he was like woah wait a minute someone is missing those and made you return them. You were very upset
I threw up in the bathtub last night like a decent human being.
Grandma cant send me 4 lbs of gummi bears and expect me not to soak them in some sort of alcohol
All I remember is talking the cops into calling us a cab instead of giving us PIs while trying to wake up your passed-out-on-a-bench ass.
I'm just glad you didn't end up in Staten Island
I woke up naked holding a taco. My ass couldn't even make it to my bed let alone Staten Island
I might be a bit late, couldn't find my pants and had to go to the police station. Unrelated
Your ex spoke highly of your penis and it’s skill. I’m interested in learning more about it ;-)
My sister and her gf showed up at my door with no pants on at 4 AM talking claiming its hot.
Randomize
