i just heard the ice cream truck outside while mid-masturbation. i stopped and considered running outside to buy one.
He was about to puke, and so I handed him an empty beer can. In retrospect, not very helpful.
Once again there IS no outside bathroom. Never has been, that is the balcony
while i was sleeping he changed my screen saver to his dick with a heart frame around it. I just might be falling in love.
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He's not so smart and obsessed with sex and lacks listening comprehension skills. I feel like i'm dating a sexually competent sesame street character.
hooked up with the gay kid & his friend's mom told me "you know he has a identical twin brother whose straight, right?"
Me and the guy at the liquor store are on a first name basis, college is all about networking.
He said bow chicka bow wow. I never thought being sexually degraded would be such a turn on.
I have a new philosophy. Fuck wearing bras, it's summertime.
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I have 39 hot sauces from Chipotle
It's like earning obesity badges
who knew tequila and Christmas cookies would go so well together
I'll screw just about anything, but I draw the line there
whenever i get involved w someone i'm gonna give you their number to testify to the fact that they should not fall in love with me
Are you serious?! She sent a pizza instead of showing up?!
She did indeed. Papa Johns. It helped because I was super hangry. That bitch is smart!
She passed out in my baby sister's room so we put her in one of my grandma's diapers, put a pacifier in her mouth, put her in my sister's crib and took pictures.
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