the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
im marching my happy ass in there and im not leaving until he cheats on his girlfriend!
I am a human short and spout . Here is my jager Herr is my redbull . When i get real drink i shout out. Tip me over and pour yeager out
Your CAR. Is in a LAKE. I'd say "a big mess" is a pretty conservative description of the situation.
people came up our fire escape and one had a cut on his leg and he was beautiful so i told him i was an emt and bandaged it with princess bandaids
I GOT MY PERIOD THIS IS A GLORIOUS DAY I AM TOTALLY GOING TO MAKE PIES TO CELEBRATE THAT THERE ARE NO REPUBLICANS IN MY UTERUS!
It's like weed even makes my glasses better. Everything is so bright and clear and beautiful!
He tried to make small talk to hide the fact that he was struggling to unhook my bra... at least he tried right?
you were caressing the jar of pickles then you looked down and whispered to them "I want you inside me"
His roommates came in the room and were throwing snowballs at us while we were hooking up.
You fell in the corner and refused to get up unless someone helped you. And then you crawled under the pool table and took a nap.
Yo. What's your name again? You put "don't tell your landlord" as your name lol
NO BABIES. YOUR VAGINA WILL BLEED WITHIN A FORTNIGHT.
Everyone is all excited about the iPhone 7 being water resistant and I'm only concerned with whether or not it can be destroyed by salsa or cum
Fast is cars. Home is I now. Drunk yoda me is.
Randomize
