Reminder- he's a douche bag. A big one.
so he came over for the first time and i completely forgot i had pictures of him printed out from facebook on my wall and a newspaper article with him in it.. you can guess that it lead for an awkward situation.
dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
I had to hold off a girl who was trying to check your pulse while you were passed out. She kept screaming that she was a nursing major and needed to make sure you were alive.
how do I tell him nicely and in french that we can't have sex anymore because his huge penis will ruin me for other french men?
Last time we were that stoned we made a "everything you can fit in the blender" shake. Didn't end well..
You took a bar mat shot.
U have to come, I miss the sound of you throwing up.
I did what any insensitive guy would do bought her friends shots and tried to fuck them
Remind me to call McDonald's to give a good review of Ruth. She truly demonstrated grace under pressure.
He never broke character while fucking me on the neighbor's lawn. I give him a 10 for his dedication to the British accent.
I raged so hard that I was so hungover today I threw up out of a car window going 50mph cause my parents didn't pull over quick enough ...sorry to the people behind us
I may have just poured a honey apple beer onto a dried apple slice to rehydrate it. This is my day.
Not as great as when your drunk mom grabbed my junk, but better than when your sober grandma sacktapped me and grabbed my butt.
Adulthood is punching a guy in the face when you find out he's trying to fuck you and he's married instead of fucking him regardless and believing anything he says
Randomize