I can't believe you blew on her face.
I feel that every long term relationship needs at least one big,load delivered straight between the eyes.
She said I wasn't helping her abandonment issues by not responding to her texts at 4 am
I'm ashamed of you 12 hours later and 200 miles away
Old lady caught me peeing in the street and yelled at me and said "I REBUKE YOU"
I'm wearing a shirt that says "birthday girls #1 homo" ...what has my life come to?
Accidently said "your going to hurt the baby" when he got forceful with his thrusts. I guess I forgot to mention to him that we are pregnant.
Top hats and gin. This is why I love day drinking.
WAIT DID YOU MAIL ME A KITTEN
Sorry about the flaming shit on your door
I never thought I'd be in my late 20s and send that text
Nothing like coming home and finding the nearly full bottle of fireball you forgot you had stashed before your trip
It's the little things
maybe one of us should just pity fuck him and get it over with.
PUT DOWN THE JOINT AND STEP AWAY FROM THE TRUSTAFARIAN
No one needs to know about the barren wasteland that is my vag. Sometimes i visualize my cervix rocking back and forth wondering where everybody went.
I just pictured that. It's reading a book.
THIS IS SO HOT. BYE PANTIES.
It's become almost a Pavlovian response. The sound of the vacuum being run by hubby causes an instantaneous involuntary orgasm.
Randomize
