dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
in the bathroom helping her wash cum out her eye. pretty much explains my sex life
didn't have any spoons so I beer bonged my chicken noodle soup. I fucking love camping.
I told you I was good to drive
dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate
he walked out as i was licking snow off of his car...
Of course, you get to fuck all night while I'm stuck in the girls bathroom sucking a limp dick for coke
Change of plans I'm coming home and shotgunning all the beer we have.
he spent an hour trying to convince us that Ted Nugent is Kid Rock from the future. by the end of it i was very close to believing him.
To be fair, I'm probably one of the better candidates for the role of 'baby daddy' in this town
After a roaring rendition of Jay-Z's "99 Problems but a bitch ain't one" I ended up making her cry on her birthday.
It's because of weed that I don't mind driving an hour to visit my family. And it's because of you that there's weed in my life. Thank you.
Did I seriously answer the door for a home delivery of weed from you and your boss while wearing last night's 80s rockstar face paint?
I just blew thrown up hashbrowns out my nose. That's the level of this hangover.
unless you want this visit to have a different tone... more romantic, less molly in a hotel room
The cards I get dealt on tinder now are karma for fucking a married man while I was in high school.
Randomize
