My foreign exchange student got here today. I turned on man vs. food and told her that "this is all you need to know about America."
I just saw a kid drop his lollipop on the floor of best buy, kick it because he was pissed off and then pick it up and eat it. I think I have a long lost son.
Ya know, years from now when that kid is old enough, I'll get to regale him with the story of how I was his father's AND uncle's first gay experience.
I just opened up the mens room door to a dude pissing in the urinal and pointing at himself in the mirror
I'm more concerned with the fact that he was UNconcerned that live poultry could peck him in the nutsack @ any moment of sex
The way I see it, everyone on campus has a fake, but I'm the only person who actually makes beer in their dorm.
I JUST FOUND AN INTERNATIONAL POLE DANCING CHAMPIONSHIP IN SPANISH
Do you have any pix of it limp? I wanna see the metamorphosis, like a cock caterpillar turning into a giant beautiful cock butterfly!
My family will be here in an hour and I'm deciding between doing my makeup or saying fuck it and wearing what's left of last night's...
Whiskey??
It will be at least another 6 weeks before I say yes again. I'm bruised. I stole sex cards and a really nice pocket knife. I acquired a vial of my own blood. Talk about a yard sale...
Dude she tried to bite my face off last night, literally. I have never actually felt like a piece of meat until that point in life...
i just want a position where we can lock up like some sort of sexual megatron and go the whole night that way
I just can't have sex in the car again. it's just too much
I know you want to take a pregnancy test, but could you wait until Sunday so it doesn't ruin our weekend
He broke both of his legs jumping out of a window to escape a coyote.
Randomize
