I just passed one of the bars and saw my mom kissing another woman. This can't be good....right?
Knowing your life, probably not.
I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
My 3rd grade teacher, who was also my fav, thought i was in prison. That seriously upsets me.
The 30 seconds of sex was almost worth it...I mean he did smoke me out and watched the princess and the frog with me
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I found him in the livingroom trying to soak up broken glass with the clock from the kitchen.
You were laying in bed whispering and crying to the half eaten burrito saying "why am I shitting so much" and "what did I do to deserve this"
So. She dumped me today.
Well, maybe you shouldn't have referred to going down on her as "Dumpster-Diving".
It's George Washington's Birthday. Can you not put on some red white and blue and get really drunk for the original Merican??
Is it okay to get drunk at a baby shower? ....asking for a friend
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I remember yelling at him telling him that the strippers were "nice people."
You said "I feel like a koala bear. Do you ever just feel like a koala bear?" This is your brain on drugs.
christmas shopping: 3 hours in the liquor store...
I look over and the both of you are naked, and he's eating chicken nuggets off the floor
Last night I ate a candle out of a strippers ass.... I guess it was an okay night.
Best part though was when he wanted to cuddle and I was like, I'm going to go.
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