thanks for house sitting, cat must be hiding again... everything go ok?
... about that ...
I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
Well if I fail my finals for being drunk on Cinco De Mayo there is always next year to graduate.
You said that last year...
I made a game called come to class high and eat nachos.
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I will never try to masturbate with americas funniest home videos playing in the background ever again
You came out of the bathroom, said "I'M DRUNK BUT I REMEMBERED TO WASH MY HANDS!" and then insisted that she smell them.
This is so stupid. Now I have to call the party planner and tell her that the break up party is off. They decided to get back together.
I ended up with a gash in my head from drunken dancing last night. I love life.
Dude I walked in to my house just to be handed a bottle of vodka by my sister. She then said i had 15 minutes to finish it. Moving into my parents place is the best choice I have made this year.
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I decided I was tough enough to wax my bikini area myself. Long story short, I'll be drunk when you get home
Well, during the ride home I had to personally apologize to both of her breasts.
The best part of Easter was watching all his colorblind cousins try to find the eggs.
He lit a candle for the mood and ended up lighting my hair on fire while we were hooking up...moodkiller
I found dried jizz from last night on my leg while feeding an infant a bottle. I am not fit to care for children
I feel like we'd have a lot of fun being drunk at a dog show.
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