Holy shit I just stopped short on route 18 because I thought my gps was saying I had to turn right in 11 feet. After almost hitting the guardrail I realized I had to turn in 11 miles.
Fuck I'm high.
Woo Hoo! Just saw Asian kids with rocker mullets. Tried to get a picture on my phone, but you know how those ninjas are.
Sacagawea was the original milf.
does she really think making her boyfriend delete me on facebook is going to magically stop us from hooking up?
we convincced her parents we were only wasted meanwhile theire faces were morphing into one and i swear there was a reindeer in the background
Drunk me needs to be reminded of my sexual preferences.
at least it wasnt animals
It was a group decision to take your pants off. Took a solid 10 minutes. No more skinny jeans while drinking.
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
Not sure. He doesn't know where New York is on a map but he gives an incredible spanking.
Who cares about New York?
Me and tommy were trying to figure out why our printer was jammed, found a condom stuck in the paper slot. #collegeprobs
Do you know how hard it is to put a bandaid on a vagina?
The sun is out, the birds are chirping, I made some brownies, I'm not pregnant
This is literally what my 13-year old cousin said to me this morning.
I think someone shaved off all their pubes in the handicap stall or a werewolf stopped by the office to take a crAzy dump!
If I'm not naked in the back of a cop car having sex by the end of the night, I did something wrong..
This Cougar is looking at me like I’m a piece of meat and buying me top shelf cocktails
I’m getting a fear boner thinking about what she might do to me
Randomize
