ur dog is so gonna tell on us one day.
for doing what?
for smoking bowls out on the deck while your parents aren't home.
Spider just rapelled from her vag rethinking online dating.
the amount of blow i got, New years should last a week.
They past out watching a re-run of the 1984 presidential debate on cspan
i wish i could, but i promised myself i wouldn't sleep with anyone who couldn't grow a beard for a while. it's not you, it's crosby.
Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.
Successfully masturbated while balancing on an exercise ball. my greatest accomplishment?
Probably
He balanced a treat on his nose, and then he rolled me a joint. My bf is the best pet ever.
I still don't like him. I'm also filled with alcohol, so I'll revisit the statement in the morning.
All right, sex is off the menu for you. Now you just get friendship. So I can spend marginally less time being annoyed by you.
so i woke up at six am and his bathroom was flooded. i think i fucked shit up in my sleep.
If he would've shaved his beard when we first broke up, getting over him would've been so much simpler. That asshole.
All boys are excommunicated from my vagina until further notice.
Needless to say, I did not go home with him cause he kinda resembled a guppy fish.
He sang the chorus to “Inside of you” by Russel Brand in Forgetting Sarah Marshall as he proceeded to not pull out...
Honestly? I wouldn’t even be mad, that probably took talent
Randomize
