ive never been so in love with another man before, in a totally none sexual way... no homo
is it possible for your nipples to fall off? if so mine might. they hurt so bad...
So there is a guy driving a robot around the college of engineering selling energy drinks
she works at a police station now. i think thats the definition of keeping your enemies closer.
i dont know if you remember blowing your vomity nose directly into my hand...yeah thanks for that
me and my mom are sitting in the bank parking lot drying my beer soaked check with the heat... the whole car smells like heinekin and I'm trying to convince her I don't need a.a.
way to not show up for Habitat for Humanity, real classy...
I saved lives by not driving this morning
I researched the whole pregnancy breast feeding with piercings. I think you dont have to worry about the trifecta milk spraying thing.
I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
Omfg amy I'm not kidding you I think a blow job is what landed me in the hospital
I'm really glad that we can be casual hook up buddies. This is a true friendship. Now, please convince your roommate to do the same. Thanks.
I woke up with a bagel in my mouth, still ate it. Free breakfast
I feel like a drive thru vagina
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
Randomize
