Well i just wrestled a cop... p.s. i won
at church Sunday morning I dropped an M&M down my dress and it landed in my bra. I fished it out and ate it. A lot of people saw me.
sleeping like a two year old who chased ambien with a bottle of whiskey.
hahhahahha. mid doggie-style, i faked an asthma attack. the sex was that bad
Just found out that wake n bake is not one of the 7 habits of highly effective people..
You showed the cops outside of the bar your boobs and then decided to go apologize to them. They admitted that the reason they hung out there was because of girls like you.
Liver, I have supported you for 18 fucking years. Pull your weight for ONE NIGHT and detoxify this alcohol.
He's tweaking out . If he's on fucking bathsalts and eats my face like a chalupa pull the plug. I don't want to live with no fucking face. Pull. The. Plug.
im in the library and there's this guy on a computer just staring at a google image of beer. finals week is rough.
Should have know they were on something when he started filling a Togo container with fruit
I think I'm done drinking. How did we end up partying at a frat house with my mom...
he fucked me wearing a cowboy hat and made grits after
We call him Texas for a reason.
Seriously, why do I have a mortar round?
I cannot, in good conscience, let you talk to a guy who wears Chaps and a knit beanie
So how often do you needs to see my tits today then?
Randomize
