The bird has been looking kind of ugly lately...gotta look nice to fly with the hawk ya know?
he told me my hair look so beautiful and as he was stroking it his fingers got caught in my BUMPIT. How are you supposed to explain that one?
Girl next to me just ralphed in a bag. Congrats class of 2010
I can't leave. She doesn't trust me and my penis being out in the world without supervision.
Found a 10-can wizard staff hidden in our closet. Did we cut someone off?
That's yours. We cut you off.
Slipping me an edible before my ochem final was not your brightest idea. Looks like I'm switching to business.
Just found a bottle of tequila in the washer.
work has become about six times more interesting since i started fucking my boss.
I'm about one sudden movement away from being able to cross "throw up in a fortune 100 company's bathroom" off my bucket list.
Somehow ended up home, probably had something to do with the makeshift ladder from my second story window. Now headed to church, still drunk, and still fighting back the vomit of a thousand different alcohols. Successful night.
I hope. Last year I got lost in New Orleans and some guy named Cookie walked me home while I cried.
Kick open the door, strike a pose, steal a boyfriend, end scene.
u woke up and asked who took ur pants off then realized u did n almost cried over not gettin layed
their motto was "the first one to get arrested wins" so of course today was interesting
The best part of last night is not remembering half of it
Randomize
