On a scale of 1 to 10 how hot is the girl you're about to fuck?
Strong 6
That's an oxymoron.
did i by any chance text you anything about feathers last night?
you mean faeutihaers?
How are you going to be there by 9am?
Relax I always go to these conferences hung over
You say that like it's a positive quality
Dude they even gave me free lube for being tested! Best. Hiv test. EVER.
That's what you get for fucking someone nicknamed "wiggle worm"
No you are right. With a nickname like Monster Cock, you shouldn't expect him to want to "just talk". I'd be insulted too
It was huge And he was twirling it around. Im telling you, beautiful wonderpenis
just run out there and shit all over the driveway when he comes.. and then point at him
how does 'resolution to respect myself more' follow 'he fucks me really hard'?
He was puking up tons. He aimed his face inside his coat. Not a drop in my car. Then he thanked me for the ride.
do you know how much drugs we can buy now that you got that raise at work
The housekeeper found my huge dildo under the bathroom sink, and another in the living room. I can't get much more single than this.
Some mornings I close deals. Other mornings I puke out my window while I’m driving down the highway
The lady in the stall next to me just screamed "why are you so hairy!?" and "why can't you get any!?" to her vagina. WTF
If he knew how badly I want to blow him he’d stop talking about his wife
Randomize
