Gfs sis is in town. Its awkwardly obv that we want to fuck each other.
this girl just gave me her phone number and 5 mins later right in front of me she is giving her number to another dude
call her and ask her what she thinks she's doing
You stole her cigarette screaming that you were going to stop the air cancer from getting everyone.
at least i was looking out for everybody
Only my sister would update her facebook status while going into labor.
Dude, just paid my sister in vicodin to go out and buy me a slushie.
She asked me to cum on her. ON her. I think we're out of the friend zone
Dude their dog does tricks for sips of beer. He keeps going up next to people and trying to shake. This is awesome.
Totalylr drunk. Coveredc in cryola marker. Loving it. Straight men everywhere. Don't be surprises when I'm pregbat romorrowwwww
I hate cuddling. I also hate when people breathe. Which he did, a lot. So he can go to hell.
The yoga party turned into an underwear party because we are all incompetent when it comes to tying bed sheets.
This has been a Party Success Story
There is this threesome scene that is literally 10 minutes of straight fucking
Omg so it's educational?
She was totally amazed that i had the pizza delivery timed to coincide with our nooner and that the delivery boy knew where the broom closet on the 3rd floor was.
There's a burrito next to my bed. Did you buy it for me or is the Chipotle fairy real? And why am I naked?
Laziness has hit a new level. I'm out of clean sexy underwear and meeting a boy tonight so I'm having a thong delivered via post mates.
Someone just said “I need to use up this money before I’m tits up under the dirt” so I think I’m going to start using that in my daily vocabulary.
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