apparently 9 shots of absynthe does not take away your skill to walk. i just woke up under a tree in some field on the other side of town with 4 hours missing.
a slip n slide in 50degree weather was the 2nd dumbest thing i have ever done. the 1st was hitting the wooden fence i believed was supposed to "help us stop"
So I'm pretty sure when I was giving a Birthday Blow J, he went to grab my boob, but grabbed a fat roll and asked "You're not wearing a bra?"
dude i woke up in a pile of chocolate chips. this has to stop happening
i just saw a guiness commercial where the guiness was on the verge of spilling the whole time. i was on the edge of my seat scared shitless. im an alcoholic.
I woke up this morning to my phone notebook open and written was "reasons why I'm a whore in chronological order" then it listed everybody I've had sex with in the past five months.
open bar reception. dayglow. pray for me
And if I hated you I'd probably say things like, "I never want to speak to you again," or, "Eat a bag of dicks." That's how you'd know.
I feel like everyone in class can tell we had a threesome last weekend.
I think everyone, including the amish, know who you are after this weekend.
She bit my shoulder during foreplay last night, and it's already infected. I think she has rabies.
And then I remembered we banged to Beethoven & I was like you will never get this ass again
Fuck me I smell like cheese
I went to the hospital to have my arm checked out, and they already knew the story. They gave me props for posting photos on facebook before even coming to the hospital.
I'm not gonna plow a chick in front of her 14 year old brother....
Randomize
