his mom walked in while I was blowing him. he turned around in panic and accidentally punched me in the face. i have a black eye and only half the clothes i came here in. can you give me a ride?
Call it a failed empirical study as to whether drugs would make her more interesting. or at least better in bed.
Drinking wine. Reading twilight. On a Friday night. Biggest loser contest. First Place.
so what if he's got a new girlfriend. the guy i'm fucking has an english accent. i win.
Dubbing lion king over planet earth. That stoned.
he asked if i wanted their team name to be " Amandas angels" or " Fuk budies" either way an intermural softball team of all my hook ups from spring semester is just depressing. convenient but depressing
Naked Twister starts at high noon
WHYAREWHITEGUYSSOBADINBED?! What the fuck went wrong, evolution?
Things are burning & the world smells of peanut butter. It's beautiful.
In a shocking revelation, I learned that the Easter Sunday shit show happened not because of vodka but because my gay neighbor drugged me.
We have six bottles of wine and we are at target buying baby oil to grease up the sleds with, just in case you're interested.
If there's one thing i learned from edward 40hands is that i couldnt handle life with bottles for hands
We hooked up in his car and afterwards he cried. I think I need to find a new hookup...
This girl invited us back on the promise of weed and strudel...she delivered neither.
This conversation went from me banging other women's husbands to learning about baked goods. If that isn't personal growth I don't know what is.
Randomize
