I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
Do you want the good news or bad news first?
bad news
The bad news is i thew up on your bed, the good news is i found out who ate your cheetos.
You tried to get the stranger on the sea bus to give you a bite of his chicken sub by repeating over and over "im in a girl band"
nothing says new school year like ambulances and police road blocks.
thanks so much for stopping me from telling him i want to have sex with him while i proceeded to hookup with the air.
He ate me out on the balcony. My asian neighbors cats are judging me...ALL 3 OF THEM!!
Please take a moment of silence for the fact that I still have all 10 fingers
Please don't place wagers on my sex life unless you are giving me a cut. With my current sluttiness I feel like I deserve 40% for how much money you'll make
I can't thank you enough for the well-timed blowjob. What a huge improvement in my outlook on the day.
You kept trying to make cocktails with my protein powder last night...
so in other words, they broke and fell off and I ate a gummy life saver off of his balls
I feel like a bottle of fireball rented a bull dozer and ran me over until I was left without a shred of my dignity
I had to ask my mom to look for my kegle ball...
Eventually I will start sleeping with people who actually want to hangout with me the next day... But not today
Just realized that I indirectly pay for sex through my cable bill
Wow. He is an expensive lay
I still have to figure out the cost per lay. It could be a financially sound investment
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