So she couldn't stop dragging her teeth while she was blowing me.
Ahh dude, that fucking sucks, what'd you do about it?
Decided to drag my teeth while eating her out... She got the point.
Tickle wars 95% of the time end in sex.
just as he was about to cum he started shouting "I THINK I CAN! I THINK I CAN!" over and over again.
I gave ten strangers a full description of his penis and its abilities. I need to stop drinking.
3 things. 1) we need alcohol 2) we need alcohol 3) we need tortilla chips. Let's make a plan. Bro shakes and salsa.
I just masturbated while eating dinner. Now who's the lazy one
I think they took out their livers years ago and replaced them with like cheese graters or something. Only explanation.
Why am I feeling up grandma?!
I'm really glad a picture of you as an infant followed this text.
We compared her boobs to bacon. I'm probably going to have to justify that.
A special kind of bond is formed between two people when they act as a pee shield for one another for drunken pisses in an alleyway
MY GOD DAMN TV STOPS WORKING EVERY TIME I AM THIS FUCKING HIGH. WHY MUST IT TORMENT ME?!
In other news, I just threw up my burrito and am currently on all fours literally crawling back to my bed
I was masturbating and a roofer walked past my bedroom window.
How dare sober me try to tell drunk me I can't eat the applesauce in the fridge! Stingy bitch IM EATING THE APPLESAUCE! you can tell sober me I said that.
I want to strut with the confidence of a pigeon.
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