You can tell a man will be prosperous by the power of his farts- A fart that can shake the room is a voice that can change the world.
Please dont jizz on my ds screen.
I don't think I have ever puked up that much free breakfast in my life...thank god for Nickle Beers.
Even my vagina gasped.
A man in denim coveralls just shotgunned a beer on the dance floor
So the bartender tried kicking me out but i screamed im an RA you cant kick me out
Her vagina was like a painting you can put your face in.
Of the two of us, which one has licked a drag queen's tit in the past 5 days?
So we were in bed when his brother walks in, walks over to me, fist bumps me and says he just wanted to say hi, then leaves...so random lmao
No worries, I've prioritized my homework into "can do drunk" and "should be sober" categories. We're good.
I feel like I spent all day wearing underpants made entirely of poison ivy and sandpaper
You give an incredible blow job. I wanted to make sure you know it was appreciated
Nothing says "i love you" more than flowers and potatoes
found a thong and $20 in my right pocket. it's going to be a good day
Pray for me.. I'm like the lonely vagina in a sea of sworming dicks
Randomize
