she looks like luggage that fell from a plane
i may or may not have puked on your loofa in the shower.
dude last night I threw my weed into my back yard. there is now a foot of snow. after an hour I found my weed. if I put that effort into school, i'd have a 4.0.
No, not at all. Pulling a condom out of your vag at 2pm is NOTHING like finding $10 in your winter coat. Stop trying to make me feel better.
Second wave of rafting ended in a concussion. Don't worry though, the paramedic says it's still not considered a DUI.
Hooked up with 8 guys, puked 4 times, got a few bruises, and my face is still numb... I think this visit has truly impacted my college decision
You have not lived until you have drunkenly grinded on your mother. Daughter of the year right here.
Everybody shut up a minute, we need to discuss how much nicer the world would be if pants weren't a thing.
So both cops helped talk her into coming back into the bar and doing a shot with me. The main argument being, "a bar is no place to be sober!"
Strip clubs it is bday boy. One condition. I am in full custody of your ID. I plan on being in no condition to coordinate rescue operations and we need to keep casualties to a minimum. You cannot be trusted.
Alright goddamnit. Can I bring my pirate hat?
I insist.
All of my exes are either overweight and neckbearded or dead. Someone out there is looking out for me.
Got done with class, now I'm buying MD 2020 with the ex. Sure feels like college.
I lost a bet last night, now I have to name the baby Fetty Wap, regardless of gender. Riley is going to kill me.
she went outside...danced, got some snow, and put cherry vodka in it. she was so proud of herself.
Come over. Bring drugs. My sister is making cookies. She took Valium. They should be badass cookies.
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