Sex don't cost a thang now that you can buy trojans with meal points.
it hasn't hit me that college is over yet. so far at home, i haven't brushed my teeth, taken off my makeup, or changed clothes before bed.
at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
NEVER shave your cleavage hair.
ah, there's nothing like waking up to picture messages of a strange man's cock. life is good.
haha, that's fucked up. flacid cock pictures are the mental breakfast of champions.
I want a coyote to ride back and forth to the bathroom because walking is getting old
I drink more single than I do in relationships. Except with assface.
I also woke up on my floor. Naked. On a pile of clothes. With my head in the trash can. And a sheet over me.
I went by my nickname in rehab. It made it feel more like summer camp.
Well according to all the calls, texts, and Facebook messages, I threw up on you guys last night.
Sending dick pics while driving a car going 80 in the rain at night to a married woman? Why hello 2014
Eh. Fuck him. He's missing out. I'm legit naked and drinking straight from the bottle of wine.
I think I swiped left on my soulmate
But unlike the human Walter the plant Walter will someday grow to satisfy my needs
Are you coming over for scrambled eggs and hand jobs?
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