normally I beat off every night before I go to bed even though my little brother sleeps in the same room. So I was starting to last night, and he jumped out of bed and said "Fuck, Im not listening to this shit again" We havent talked since. fuck me
I showed my boss the "She Wolf" video. He sent it to all his friends and told me to make us martinis...thanks Shakira and keep it up
i just heard Winston Churchill in auto-tune. thank you nerds.
Dude, she told me she wanted to bang my dad. I don't know which is worse, the fact that she wants to or the fact that she told me.
After four attempts, his condom would not flush. I had to remove it with salad tongs.
Everything sucks i just wanna cry and smoke a bowl and pet my cat and die. All at the same time
I just want to have weird supply closet sex with him... and then I'll be all set. Fired, but all set.
Your engaged. Stop telling guys you will sit on their face. They don't always know your kidding.
Yes ma'am. At least you're a warning story I can tell to my kids in the future
Liz is crying about burritos again.
Sooo Zach and Judd are on my porch drunk eating leaves and flowers...
Actually here it's more "lie around naked in a dark room" weather.
he bit THROUGH my nipple
plus side, no need to pay for a piercing.
DUDE!!!!! THERE IS A MIDGET HANDING OUT RICE KRISPIE TREATS!!!!!! WHERE ARE YOU WHEN THE COOL SHIT GOES DOWN???????
The last time I was on vacation the pandemic blew up. Can't wait to see how my vacation fucks up the world this time.
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