Question: does he have any sense of self image? He looks slightly like he crawled out of the Euphrates after living as a fish for 20 years
My RA tried to compliment my pong tables design after he confiscated it
You love me.
That's because, tragically, I adore whores.
So, how do I go about conveying: I'm sorry, yet very glad she is having my abortion. Via text msg?
craigslist free llama. are you in or are you in?
Best part of failing a semester of college: not having to buy books next semester. I can drink to that
Sometimes I stop and laugh and think "and these are my actual life choices".
You know why nobody comes up with Sober October? Other than it's Oktoberfest? Because Sober October doesn't benefit anyone, just like your judgment isn't benefiting me. I'll talk to you in November. Unless you make up another alcoholless month.
I need to find more Xanax, my Grandpa doesent leave for another week and he's made it a mission to get me to come out of the closet as a xmas gift to my parents.
Yeah man i woke up and only had a Jimmy John's wrapper covering myself..
I got to her place and she was petting her cat and pounding vodka out of the bottle. She looked like Dr evil in yoga pants. She's nuttier than squirrell shit.
You're an independent woman who is defined by her own actions and not by whether or not you have a man. You also have great tits.
She picked me up from the bar in her underwear.
Had an orgasm and got a charley horse at the same time. It was a multi-purpose scream.
I climbed on the arm of the futon, flapping my hand fan frantically and hissing imprecations at the smoke detector
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