I had a dream you and I were having sex. It was pretty romantic.... until you started pulling out toys.
You said you wanted to go to louisiana and get arrested by Steven segal
We got them high and they had an hour long debate on the best way to get cum out of eyes.
you better fuck at least one or both of them.
I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
First off, get on bc solely in preperation for this event. Second, as my little sister you have a lot of whore to live up to.
Remind me tomorrow that I was taking shots of burnetts in the subway line while placing my order
I have never heard someone not give a fuck so poetically in my life. I feel like you should be leading men into battle with a speech like that
She actually was beyond drunk but she for some reason kept calling herself a demigod and made me drive her to a bookstore
We need to make tonight low-budget
Is this your way of suggesting flasks?
Literally the fucking master of salvaging the possibility of a blow job whilst also crushing somebody's dreams.
I feel like I might be the only person I know who eats bundles of radishes in-between orgasms from their vibrator.
All I'm saying is Europe has not been easy on my vagina.
I peed in Andys sink the other day bc I didnt want him to hear me pee
The guy next to me on the bus has one hole in his jeans that has over 20 mini dicks drawn on his leg. Classic.
mid-sex she goes "oh my god. you aren't even going to remember my name in the morning, are you?". And i was so wasted that i straight up told her "honestly, I don't even remember your name right now"
Randomize
