I would say the hottest chick there looked like Susan Boyle and the ugliest like Bea Arthur
Nice use of current day folklore
She said "Lay the fuck down and ill show you how its done. Ill get us both off." I did. And she did. Best words ever said before sex.
i was getting a blow-job tonight in the mens bathroom of a bar and the bouncer comes in and says "bro i don't mean to cock block but you cant do that here."
It took him longer to remove his skinny jeans than it did for him to finish. I didn't even have time to realize it sucked until it was already over.
some gay kid said he wanted to blow him because "his eyebrows told a story"
Amazing. Super drunk. We stole a street sign in a golf cart and went around jousting trash cans all night.
He bought me dinner. He gave me his jacket when I was cold. And then ate me out in the passenger sear of the car.
"Little drunk?" Honey you were "livetweeting" Sublime's "Sublime" album while it was playing in his car, and at one point you said you hoped they play Santeria. "Little drunk" doesn't cover it.
I think we need a list of things that are automatic NO's for dating a guy. Married, definitely a no now
Haha never eat brownies from a guy with batman pajamas
idk i usually just blame everything on steve
Steve quit two months ago
It's a lot harder to work after sex than it is to work drunk... just saying.
He put a doughnut around his dick and I ate it. What can I say. It was a good fucking night.
I just wanna be naked and go frolic in the snow
You mom sent me some article linking anal sex, damaged prostates and sterility. Does she still think your gonna go straight and have kids one day?
Randomize
