it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
was i over the top when i said that i wished they made v-neck pants to her?
We convinced her the game "just the tip" was a billiards game. She was asking a couple guys if they wanted to play as we left. I kinda don't want to ask her how the rest of the night went.
he is literally lying on the floor eating cookies. doing nothing. and as i was hitting him he needed to protect the cookies more than himself.
I spiked my fruit smoothie. Taking bikini season diet to a whole new level
How unacceptable would it be to bar hop with a funnel in the square? It's Halloweekend and I plan on going hard. I can claim it goes w/ my costume. But I don't think the MIMITW uses funnels.
Hi, this is a test of the morning after apology broadcast system. If you're receiving this pre-recorded message there is a high probability I was a dickwad to you in the past 24 hours. You have my utmost and sincere apologies. Also if you have my wallet, house key, left converse, or lighter, give them/it back
i'm exhausted. do you know how hard it is to put together an outfit that is professional enough to secure a babysitting job yet slutty enough to let him know i'm down for sex during naptime?
when you come home i just want to let you know we are cats now. and we are out of eggs.
I am not a slut. I'm just very open with how much I love to have sex. Stop judging.
don't judge but I think I'm gonna go fuck a dad this weekend
WHAT KIND OF DEALER ONLY WORKS FRI-SUN???
Ours, apparently.
Of course I fucked him. He was wearing a rainbow cock sock and cowboy boots.
Never thought I'd see the day when I got assless chaps in the mail, and yet here we are...
Do you think it's a bad sign of the outcome of the pregnancy test I'm about to take that I was eating a fudgsicle on the way into the drugstore? Would it make worse to tell you I also bought a big ass bag of Cornnuts?
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