I mean I had a leg brace. It would have been irresponsible for me to be on top.
She's singing So Happy Together to her burrito, I want to be on her level.
Just made a PowerPoint called "Reasons Why You Should Fuck Me" at his request. The sad thing is we've had sex before...
I made a Russian puke. I outdrank a Russian. I am unstoppable.
I went to the bar saying i wasn't going to drink that much. I forgot sobriety might as well be some mythical creature when you're with Holleey
He showed up at my house, drunk, proclaiming that he needed to fuck me...my dad let him in
Eric was just sitting there open-mouthed swallowing sake from that squirt bottle for so long the lady across from us leaned over to her kid and told him not to end up like "the big alcoholic one"
If you think you're having a bad day, know that upon waking up, I was informed that I blew my nose in a piece of bread last night
Yeah. Still not happy that my prof saw a picture of my vag.
I thought about mashed potatoes the whole way home
Also, can next Friday be Long Underwear Friday instead of Jockstrap Friday? Because I'm about to cough up a testicle.
If you recall, I made a Zoolander reference almost immediately after you pulled out of me the first time we had sex.
you hit your head on the sneeze guard and passed out at Pizza Hut they called the police
Why do we always have to be the people who get blamed for animal intoxication incidents?
Do you think he’ll fall in love with me if I tell him I have a nickname for his penis
Randomize
